i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
