he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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