I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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