so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
