I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
