Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Come on in and take your pants off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
