Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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