You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
