i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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