Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
