just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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