So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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