Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
