we have pet lesbian snakes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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