Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
