The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How does one acquire holy water?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize