Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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