just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
