he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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