I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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