Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
