So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
