I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
