you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
