don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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