Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
