I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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