I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
