i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
