Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
