What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
