He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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