I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
