You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize