they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
