I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
