The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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