I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
