69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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