WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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