two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
