dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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