Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I only lived at night.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
