shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
