why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
