I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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