i love accidental penises.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
