I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
