The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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