someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
