I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
