Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
