biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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