He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
