Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
