there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
