Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
