turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
