I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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