my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
