So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
