Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
