Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
