Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
