I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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