I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
