i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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