whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
