My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
