Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
