Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
