I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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