Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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