Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
