we're blogging at a bar
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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