We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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