Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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