You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
