Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
