dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
